Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was silent, not even my spouse.
Stocking were flung carelessly on the ground,
Beneath piles of wrapping they could scarcely be found.
The kids in their bedrooms, playing with toys,
And those they’d not broken made plenty of noise.
I in a stupor and ma drinking gin
Dreading the chores that were about to begin,
The lights that we’d hung with such care from the gables
Must be taken down in a way that won’t leave me disabled.
The wreaths and the mistletoe, the nativity scene,
Ornaments, Santas and elf figurines,
Must be carefully packaged and wrapped up in cotton,
Then stuffed in the attic and promptly forgotten.
The lights must be wound with the utmost of care
So they can knot themselves up at some point in the year.
The tree, once beloved, will be on the curb soon,
But we’ll be finding pine needles until some time in June.
And then there’s the more immediate stress
Of cleaning the expanding and unending mess.
With my cranium throbbing and my saving diminished,
I find that the spending is never quite finished.
The shopping I’ve dreaded is once more resurrected,
By a random component I’d somehow neglected.
Refunds to collect from toys that were broken,
Before the words “Thank You”, could fully be spoken.
None of the clothes fit and the games were outdated,
They must be exchanged, returned or rebated.
Gift cards from grandma will cost me a day,
As they come from a store eighty-five miles away.
I look at my bank accounts and equate them with train wrecks,
All the money I’ve borrowed from Visa and Amex,
For Daffys, for Dillards, for Pennies and Saks,
For Marshalls, for Nordstroms, For Sears and the Gap
For Target and Wal-Mart, For Gamestop and Borders,
Count up your profits and celebrate the fourth quarter.
But as for myself, I will be in the black,
About the same time the warm weather comes back,
And if I can’t make the payments I’ll still be all right,
If I just sell the house I need not take down the lights.
But the headaches will lessen before New Year’s Eve,
When I can drink all I want and my relatives leave.
So as I look at the workload I give up and say, “Screw it,Merry Christmas to all and at least we got through it.”
Merry Christmas from all of me to all of you!